The 5-Step Plan to Set Your Heart Free

Sonya was stuck. Every time she came in for a session, she seemed more inextricably wedged into a life she hated. It wasn't that she lacked means: Born to wealth and privilege, Sonya had beauty, education, and the talent to become what she'd longed to be—a songwriter. But she couldn't take the steps that would make her dreams a reality.

"It's just too hard," Sonya sighed during one session. "I'm stuck in the life my parents want for me. I'll marry a rich man, have 1.7 kids, do what I'm told. I'm trapped. Completely trapped."

I couldn't help comparing Sonya's comments with another conversation I'd had when I was in Cambodia, doing interviews for a World Bank project. A vibrant man I'll call Khet told me about his experiences during the war-torn 1970s, when he'd been imprisoned, starved and sentenced to death.

"One night they told me I would be shot at sunrise," Khet said. "So, you see, I was completely free." I stopped him. How did he figure that one? Khet smiled. "Things could not be worse," he explained, "so I was free to take any opportunity that came."

And an opportunity did come. As he and some other prisoners were being led to the execution ground, Khet bolted, running for a weak spot in the wire fences. He fully expected to be shot, but the other prisoners distracted the guards enough to spoil their aim. Khet escaped into the jungle.

"You see? My fellow prisoners were free, too," he said. "No matter what happens to your body, madame, if your heart is free, you are free."

Most people think more like Sonya than like Khet. My clients routinely tell me they're deadlocked, hemmed in, blocked, controlled by circumstance. If you feel that way, it isn't because you don't have the option of charting an exciting, meaningful journey through life. Trust me, the options are there. You're at an impasse because you've been trained not to seize—or even recognize—the opportunities that lead to the fulfillment of your dreams. Your body is free but your heart is in prison.